if you’ve read through my website, you’ll know that my MBTI type is INFP. the MBTI personality test isn’t scientifically valid, but it is safe to say that it is more accurate than astrology as it is based on our behavioural traits rather than pseudoscience. having listed my MBTI type in my profile, i’ve attracted a few fellow INFPs (we make up 4% of the population!) or clients who have an interest in MBTI compatibility. it’s always interesting and fun when i’m able to guess a person’s type or when people’s personalities fit their MBTI type to a T.
i always test as INFP (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception)— the most intuitive (and maybe most emotional/emotionally in tune) of the 16 types. INFPs are curious, idealistic, and open-minded, and we greatly value our individuality and self-expression. we are also mediators and great listeners. although we can be mild-mannered by default and selectively reserved (like many introverts), we have an innate ability for making people feel right at ease. this is the one thing a lot of people (friends, exes, clients) always tell me— they feel safe being their truest selves around me and it isn’t something they experience with others too often.
both introverts and extroverts have told me they feel comfortable around me— with the extroverts who tell me this, they’re usually/likely my extroverted counterpart whose type complements mine. but a good # of people who tell me this are unsurprisingly introverts. although more attention has been drawn to the spectrum of introversion vs extroversion in recent years thanks to the internet (i once came across a comment online that said, “if introverts are so quiet, why won’t they shut the fuck up about how introverted they are?” lol), there are still a lot of people who aren’t comfortable or as self-accepting of falling more on the introverted side of that spectrum. this is because introverts can be misunderstood, as people tend to conflate introversion/quietness with shyness/lack of confidence, even though they are not synonymous. but introverts can be a little shy or insecure especially when they let the stigmas or stereotypes of introversion get to them, not fully understanding or realizing that there is actually nothing wrong with the way they are— that there is nothing wrong with needing alone time more than the avg person, being more reserved or quiet, having a few but genuine and close friends, etc.
i used to be more insecure about my introverted qualities growing up, but eventually in my early 20s i outgrew those insecurities because i came to the realization that a lot of people around me were doing a lot of shit they didn’t want to do and a lot of the things they did was for social validation. it just seemed so exhausting to me, to be someone who i wasn’t, pretending to like things i don’t care about. true to my INFP ethos (being deeply guided by my values/principles), i started to embrace the way i am and the things i truly want and enjoy. life is too short to be a sheep (and unhappy), doing what everyone else thinks you should be doing, thinking what everyone else is thinking.
to quote kanye west (again):
there’s leaders, and there’s followers, i’d rather be a dick than a swallower.
that quote only applies to me outside of the bedroom, duh. ha. ha…
but you get what he means. it takes courage to be yourself because marching to your own beat is sometimes met with confusion and judgment. being misunderstood can be lonely and isolating because no matter how thick your skin is, you’re still human and crave acceptance deep down. for me, doing and saying what i want is ultimately liberating and rewarding at the end of the day, because over the years i’ve learned that being comfortable with myself and not taking life seriously not only attracts the right people into my life, but it also seems to inspire the people around me to be comfortable with themselves too. and i like that. i like seeing people’s quirks, i like it when people are unfiltered, i like it when people who normally have their guard up open up to me (i don’t take that for granted), i also like it when people feel safe sharing moments of silence with me.
while introverts tend to prefer more meaningful and intriguing conversations formed around ideas/interests as opposed to gossip or small talk, i’ve learned to appreciate small talk and the value it contributes towards either getting to know someone slowly or making a stranger’s day better. there is a time and place for small talk, but sometimes, when you’re just being in the moment with people, it is really okay to have nothing to say at all. my theory on silence being an uncomfortable thing for some people is that those who can’t stand it are actually uncomfortable with themselves on some level, and also likely can’t handle much solitude. perhaps some people view silence as a negative reflection of themselves (feeling like they are uninteresting) or strictly measure the quality of time they spend with people by how much has been said. don’t get me wrong— i really appreciate the likeminded people whom i can effortlessly chat with forever about anything and everything, continually reciprocating each other’s ideas and energy, but i also don’t feel like quality time should be dictated by constantly finding something to say to each other, nor do i feel like the onus is on anyone to be entertaining and chatty 24/7.
i’ve been reading a book called “how to do nothing: resisting the attention economy” and this passage comes to mind:
repressive forces don’t stop people expressing themselves but rather force them to express themselves; what a relief to have nothing to say, the right to say nothing, because only then is there a chance of framing the rare, and ever rarer, thing that might be worth saying.
i’m sure many introverts have experienced at least one social situation in their life where they’ve been told “you’re so quiet”, or they were teased growing up by their family or at school for being quiet. sometimes it might be shyness, sometimes there’s really nothing worth saying. i tend to stay quiet and opt to listen if i feel like i have nothing genuine, interesting, or funny to say, but like many introverts, we eventually learn to fake or adopt extroverted qualities because we understand how our own qualities may be perceived by certain people or in certain situations. so depending on the situation, if we care enough to make others feel comfortable, we adapt. it’s just nice when you can enjoy the company of others without being expected to fill the silence with meaninglessness every second spent together just for the sake of talking. it’s especially nice when other extroverts understand this and don’t pathologize quietness. my girl mia wallace knows what’s good:
as i get older, i find myself inching closer to the middle of the intro/extro spectrum. but ultimately, certain introverted tendencies remain dominant— particularly the need for alone time and focusing my energy only on a select few whom i genuinely click with. due to the line of work i am in, many clients are quick to assume that i’m an extrovert. this is sometimes due to the preconceived notions people have about sex workers, and partly because of my tattoos. some clients have told me they’re surprised that i am actually a “nice girl” with a good head on my shoulders. these clients initially think i’m a party girl because of my ABG (asian babygirl) look or because they think being outgoing (or having the balls to be a sex worker) is an extrovert’s trait. in real life i am pretty simple, albeit quirky, and contrary to these stereotypes and preconceived notions of sex workers, sex work is actually perfect for introverts, because we prefer and excel at one-on-one type of interactions.
when it comes to anyone i dedicate my time or energy to, including clients, it’s important that they are people i can be myself around and vice versa. instead of creating a simple, bubbly, spa-loving hoe persona, i try to let my real personality shine through online or through my website to attract the right people, even if hot photos are what gets the clicks and dicks up. but as i mentioned in my very first blog post, i like to work smart and not hard. working smart in this industry means only seeing clients whose company i actually enjoy. and this year, i decided to lower my work volume even more, meaning i’ve become pickier than ever. my blog has become an unofficial screening tool and it means a lot to me when i receive emails regarding my posts or clients deciding to spend time with me after reading my blog. my website may serve as jerk-off material for some, but you’re truly a real one for taking the time to read this, or anything i’ve written. thank you 💜
if this post is the first time you’re coming across the MBTI test, or you don’t know your type, you can take the test here. i am curious to hear about your results (and thoughts) if we meet in person! :)
— RETURN TO BLOG —