dominance & submission, etc.

having been in the industry for a little over 3 years now, i understand why some providers choose not to advertise as being submissive or allowing anything bdsm-related in their work. bdsm kinks and dynamics require a lot of trust and comfort. there are a lot of people who misguidedly think doms are the ones in control. what separates real doms from what are essentially ~abusers~ is that real doms know that the power truly lies within the submissive. it’s the sub who is in control. anyone who believes that someone who enjoys being submissive is innately and automatically obedient shouldn’t be allowed to fuck. submission is earned, not given. as a sub, i decide who’s daddy, not you.

i personally choose to be open about my submissive tendencies because i have always enjoyed the dom/sub dynamic in my personal life— or just anything intensely passionate— and in my experience, being honest about it has only added more fun to my job. i should mention that real d/s dynamics aren’t something i experience often— in fact, clicking with a dom like that is quite rare. but when it does happen, it’s magic, and a result of instant chemistry 99% of the time. to be very honest, it’s not a dynamic i think unfolds or happens over time. most of the time, you just got that shit or you don’t. you’re either going to choke me like you mean it, or not at all.

i hope clients understand why i might tell them to “go with the flow” if they request having sessions go a certain way. i’m open to exploring with clients, but at the same time i also don’t like structuring my time with clients in regards to how we play (apart from small requests for toys/outfits) because it may potentially feel forced and unnatural if the client doesn’t factor in the element of humanness to what i do (i’m not a sex robot) and interpersonal intricacies. if i am not feeling submissive with someone, i don’t want to fake it or make it awkward.

in all honesty, i generally don’t find myself clicking with a new client who requests to explore being dominant and comes in with the expectation that i will simply be submissive, regardless of how weak or incompatible his dom game might be. you can incorporate all the toys/props that are commonly used in the world of bdsm into our session, but as with any sexual dynamic, it’s the chemistry that matters most. sadomasochism is hot, but for me, it’s more about the psychological aspect than it is about the number of leather accessories adorned or used on my body. if you don’t send my mind into the ethereal realm of subspace, it’s just decorative sex.

aside from the inept assumption that i will be submissive to anyone who tries to be dominant, i think asking “what do you like?” is also pretty simple-minded— especially when it is asked in the middle of fooling around with each other. i know it is asked with the good intention of pleasing, but the question is inadvertently a mood killer. you know what’s hot though? being intuitive and having faith in me to tell you what to do or to cater to you (shout out to destiny’s child). i’ll tell you what feels good and what doesn’t. i like a lot of things, but it all depends on our chemistry, and your skills. some people inspire me to be sensual and nurturing, others inspire me to be a painslut. sometimes, i am somewhere in between. clients who come in with managed expectations and trust in my ability to facilitate an awesome time will have just that. things will be more fun if you allow them to happen organically… be curious, not controlling :~)